My husband and I took our eldest daughter to NYC for her 16th birthday. She was allowed to bring three friends and, as long as we kept footing the bill, we were allowed to tag along. The celebratory dinner was at an upscale Chinese restaurant and fortune cookies were passed around at the end of the meal. With a smile, her dad passed his fortune over to me - Nothing You Do for Your Children Is Ever Wasted. Obviously, somebody had a sense of humor. I posted it on our frig when we got home and now whenever I need to Find the Zen of the Thankless Job of Parenting I reread it a few times. It helps me reenergize for my parental obligations.
It is reassuring that the endless games and practices, the hours of driving here and there, and the sleepless worry-filled nights are all not for naught. After all, in the end, one of my life’s greatest accomplishments will probably be raising three beautiful daughters. But all the sacrificing, juggling, and doing without can get old. My last “new” bathing suit was my mother’s hand-me-down.
Of course, I am happy to broaden my children’s world and experiences. But, for too long parenting was woefully excluded in my quest for balance in life. Pangs of guilt would surface when I refused to taxi everyone to the movies or denied a request for a must have item. That’s not to say that I was incapable of saying no. When I did, it seemed my girls got over it pretty easily and were on their way to learning the important life lesson that you can’t always get what you want. Even better, my refusal to embrace the martyrdom of parenthood led me to discover that I can get what I need.
I know I’m supposed to be garnering a lifetime of satisfaction watching my children grow but I need more. Once I started looking for a balance between duties and desires I found the upside to the thankless job of parenting. I can write at the library during soccer practice. I can get in a few laps around the field during that hour before the game starts. I can chat with friends during dance classes. On our trip to the Big Apple, my daughter and her friends got a little taste of independence during an afternoon in Times Square and my husband and I felt pretty grownup having a drink at the hotel bar while waiting for the shoppers to return. Definitely, an upside.
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