Self: I Can Do Anything Better

Admittedly, I‘ve always been a pushover for a “How to Do Anything Better” Guide.  Self-help publishers have made a lot money off of my weakness. It’s hard to walk away from these tomes of promise, because for me, there’s always been room for improvement; self-improvement, home improvement. It’s been like a quest for me, always looking for something I can make better. I got to wondering if I had some deep-seated psychological reason for this fixation and came to the realization that I am not a self-improvement junkie, I just like a good project.

Instead of thinking of this hobby of mine as a weakness, I began to consider that it is what makes me me.  In this zone of acceptance I came to realize that I love the planning and the preparation that goes into my many undertakings. I’m proud of my successes and comfortable with the half-finished Christmas Tree skirt and dusty exercise equipment hidden in the basement. I can easily accept that I am not a perfectionist. In fact, I like things a little messy and mixed up, punctuated by moments of brilliance; like when the sewing machine is put away and the curtains are up or when I’ve said just the right thing to my angst-ridden teen. These moments keep me hopeful and that is who I am.

I know I could lose a few pounds but I’m in good company.  My house has a few hidden clutter piles but it doesn’t look too bad. And my husband and kids can easily alternate between gifts from above to incredible pains in the . . . uhmmm… neck. It is this ebb and flow of contentment that makes my life an interesting place to be. Ever hopeful that my next endeavor will give me that instant of when things are just right.

The Metamorphosis

I don’t know when “Finding the Zen” morphed into a personal mission, spilling over into all aspects of my life.  Over time, it’s been transformed from a way to deal with those brief daily challenges to an attitude; my own brand of enlightenment.

Sure, commonplace moments gone wrong can derail my day, but it’s the pile of laundry, the deadline for work, and the many “shoulds” hanging over my head that zap my joie de vivre. Feeling stressed and being short on time is a regular occurrence. Every task becomes a race to the finish and I am tired.  

Life was supposed to get easier as I got older, but it turns out that the only way things will improve is if I decide to change it up.  So, I’ve taken charge. My “Finding the Zen” moments have expanded into a personal philosophy, a guide to navigate my life. My attempts at multi-tasking and rushing through chores have been traded in for a different way of doing things. The evolution of “Finding the Zen” has been about giving each task the attention it deserves.  An everyday mindfulness that slows down the experience, mundane or exciting, so I can be in the moment, not letting it pass me by in the rush to try to get everything done.

The Meaning

“Finding the Zen” is a lot of things;  acceptance, contentment, patience,  and sometimes the thread that keeps me from becoming the “mom from hell”. I’ve even begun thinking of “Finding the Zen” as a form of meditation. While I am not religious, I am spiritual and the idea of meditation as a path to enlightenment is tempting. But, frankly, I just don’t have the time. While Zen appeals to me as a philosophy, I am not ready to commit to it as a lifestyle.

The other day Oprah had Goldie Hahn on her show.  The topic.  Happiness. Goldie suggested we find ten minutes of quiet each day. Oprah tried to make it more doable. She suggested one minute.  I thought, “I can do that”. But one minute can be an awfully long time when you’re just sitting there doing nothing. Especially, when your list of things to do keeps inserting itself into your consciousness. This is when I decided that my “Finding the Zen” moments are a form of meditation.  I call it wakeful meditation, moments of calm, insight and reflection. This is the kind of meditation I can do.  It is only a moment but that moment can the shape rest of the day.

The Origin

   When my middle daughter was in elementary school, she had a jacket with a stubborn zipper.  Sometimes it worked, smoothly traveling up the track and at other times it wouldn’t budge.  Usually, it would be most uncooperative in the morning, just as she was to be heading out to catch the bus. “Mom, my zipper’s stuck!” Now it would be my turn to tackle the challenge. Hurriedly, I’d slip the one side of the zipper into the slider and start to zip.  Nothing. It wouldn’t budge.  I’d try again. The darn thing wouldn’t move.  Anxiety mounting, the bus’s arrival imminent.  Damn it!  We were caught in the loop, the daily jacket zippering test!

   Then, one morning, I stopped. I decided that this was not the way to start the day. Pissed off at a zipper with stress levels mounting.  I took a deep breathe, looked my daughter in the eye and said, “We must Find the Zen of the Zipper.” My daughter smiled, albeit quizzically. Calm descended and, voila, on the next try, the zipper smoothly slipped up the track and she was out the door.  This "Finding the Zen" became part of our morning routine and we soon discovered we could attach it to any task.  My girls and I could "find the zen of the missing sneaker", "find the zen of the forgotten permission slip", or my favorite, "find the zen of fifteen minutes for dinner before the after-school sports relay begins".  Whenever, we/I tried to Find the Zen, things got a little easier.

Since then, “Finding the Zen” has become my mantra and it fits me perfectly.